The Other Mother

In 1965, Carol Schaefer was 19, a freshman in college and deeply in love. She was also pregnant. When her boyfriend's family opposed their marrying, her parents sequestered her in a Catholic home for unwed mothers a state away, where she was isolated and where secrecy prevailed. She had only to give up her baby for her sin to be forgiven and then all would soon be forgotten she was told. The child, in turn, would be placed with a "good" family, instead of having his life ruined by the stigma of illegitimacy. Carol tried to find the strength to oppose this dogma but her shame had become too deep. "The first time I looked deep into my son's eyes, I felt like a criminal. As I unwrapped his hospital blanket and took in the heady fragrance of a newborn, I feared the nurses or the sisters would come in and slap me for contaminating my own son."Finding no way out, she signed the fateful papers leaving her son in the hands of strangers, but with a vow to her baby she would find him one day. For years, Carol struggled to forget and live the "normal" life promised, not understanding the consequences of the trauma she'd endured. On his eighteenth birthday, she set out to find him, although the law denied access to records. Her search became a spiritual quest to reclaim her own lost self, as she came to understand the emotional and psychological wounds she and other mothers like her had endured. Against all odds she succeeded in finding him and discovered that in many ways they had never really been apart. With her son's encouragement and his adoptive mother's cooperation, she tells their story.REVIEWS: "Strength, sadness, joy, and the power of undeniable love abound in this book."500 Great Books by Women (A Penguin Books Reader's Guide, 1994)The list of authors goes back to the 11th century.Nominated "One of the best books of 1991." American Library Association. "... flows as forcefully as the finest fiction. ... This 'ten-hankie-read' never descends into sentimentality but simply reveals the unvarnished truths of the human heart."Wilson Library Bulletin"This wrenching account, covering a range of adoption issues, is a moving testament to the bonding power of motherhood."Publishers Weekly"An astonishing revelation of the emotions that come into play throughout the adoptive process - a must read for all concerned."Kirkus ReviewsLiterary Guild Alternate Selection."Inspiring ... a heart tugger."Patricia Holt, San Francisco Chronicle"A chronicle of a time with the starkest of emotions revealed ... Readers quickly understand the trauma that lingers on deep in the hearts of birthmothers every day of their lives."Elliot Bay Booknotes"It should be a must read for anyone who considers adoption the 'easy' answer to an unwanted pregnancy."The Philadelphia Inquirer"As she experiences pain and love, you're on that roller coaster with her, as if the life she lived was yours."St. Petersburg Times"Poignant and powerful, The Other Mother shatters the myth that unwed mothers, unprepared for the sacrifice they make, go on to lead normal and untouched lives." Booklist"Any woman who has gone through any part of her experience, or has been close to somebody who has, will attest to the story's authenticity."The Washington Post"I recommend it with all my heart. Its courage, integrity and love make it a treasure. ... not only for adoptive families and birth families, it is for everyone who longs to know how deep the levels are that connect us, and how precious."Gary Zukav, The Seat of the Soul"... addresses intimately the experience of a Birthmother as no other book has - or probably ever will. Expertly written."Jone Carlson, Editor People Searching News"Courageous, moving and heartening."Betty Jean Lifton, Journey of the Adopted Self"A wonderful book. From my professional perspective the book is right on target."Reubon Pannor, coauthor, The Adoption Triangle