Merely Mary Ann

Excerpt from Merely Mary Ann: Comedy in Four Acts
The Scene represents the hall of Mrs. Lradbatter's lodging house. The hall door is R., with letter box and door mat. There is also a window in this wall. There are two hall chairs, one up stage R. and another down stage R., a hat rack and umbrella stand -these two latter furnished with sundry coals and hats of all colours, sticks and umbrellas of all shapes. On the hall table stand five bedroom candlesticks with matches, three little heaps of letters, postcards and newspapers, and a large clothes brush. Gaudy oleographs on passage wall. The dining-room door is R. C. Carpeted stairs lead to Lancelot's door, L., with a little landing, both visible ere the stairs turn. Before these stairs goes the passage leading past the hall bench to the kitchen and parlour doors l. The gas is burning in the hall lamp, but rather dimly, with suggestion of lateness and economy. The stage is empty. The wind and rain are heard swishing outside. After a while a latchkey is heard to adjust itself in the lock, the door opens and O'Gorman, a pock-marked, good-humoured, rather seedy journalist, stands half in and half out, his head turning towards an unseen driver, his lowered umbrella dripping.
O'Gorman (to unseen Cabman, who is heard growling and grumbling hoarsely in reply throughout this speech). What do I call that? I call it quite enough for three-quarters of a mile. Eh? It's a wet night. Pwhat else would I be taking a cab for, begorra? Pwhat's that? I must give you sixpence more? Needs must when the divil drives, eh? Is that it? No, divil take me, don't you try swearing at me, because I'm a journalist and can bate you at it. Sacre-bleu, Donner-Blitzen, Amsterdam, Rotterdam and the Hellespont! (Enters and bangs door.) Mother in heaven! Pwhat a blessing to get the paper to bed! (Yawns, puts wet umbrella in stand, sings.)
"Kiss mo good-night, dear love.
Drame of the old delight,
My spirit is summoned -"
Bad luck to it! Shall I never get the tune out of my head? It's as catching as 'flu, and I've got it bad.
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