Embracing Our Final Days

This is the story of three daughters and two mothers whose lives intertwine through the mothers' need for care and the daughters' decision to meet that need. Written by the three daughters, these compelling authors share their personal journeys through the transformative path of caring for the mothers during their final years of declining health and cognitive skills and subsequent deaths. Two of the authors, Mary Anne Evans and Lucy Ellen Smith, are biological sisters who share the caregiving of their mother, Fran. The third author, Rebecca, is Mary Anne's sister-in-law who takes care of her mother, Mary Lou. One of the mothers has age-related dementia and the other has Alzheimer's Disease. One continues to live in her own home with assistance; the other finds retirement communities the best solution for her situation. During the intensity of caring for their mothers, the daughters discover that Fran and Mary Lou's symptoms of decline in health are tracking in very similar ways. The resulting friendship provides a much needed bond of support, information and love. As they reflect on their remarkable journey they realize they want to share their experiences and learning with those who face similar challenges while taking care of elderly family members. In sharing this journey, the three authors offer experience and wisdom in how differently the end of life challenges can present themselves and the variety of ways caregiving can be handled. The main section of the book is a narrative in each author's voice from the beginning of the need for help throughout the death process, and concludes with the rituals of remembrance for Fran and Mary Lou. As a practical guide the authors offer 21 Focus Issues after the narrative, each topic a detailed description of some important learnings, systems they created, and helpful resources they found. In presenting a narrative of unfolding events, the authors address the often-overlooked emotional component to caregiving. In referencing the Focus Issues throughout the narrative, the authors present a healthy process of struggle and creative problem solving. Living in a culture that tries to deny the reality of death and largely turns its back on the old and used up, these three daughters cling to what their mothers still have to offer. They find that each part of the end-of-life process has both blessings and challenges. They also learn that when family members are invited to participate in the death journey, the potential for a more complete living experience is possible.