Club Suicide

Today is a day like any other day. My awareness is full circle. Scratching away at my very soul. The evils which I now know. The terrible sight that I've seen. In the darkest corners of the world. In the most bottomless pits of despair. The four corners of nowhere. All the good things are canceled. My heart is nestled. Hanging on a fine thread, me. I wrote those words long ago after my brother killed himself. What happened so long ago is like yesterday in my mind's eye. Many of you reading these words know exactly what I mean. Many are just now facing the horror of it. Many have faced this horror show more than once. We are part of a club. A club no one ever wants to be in. We are the survivors of suicide. We are the people left behind in the wake of unending despair. We stand witness to one of the most devastating acts a human being can do. Strangely, when most people think of suicide, they think it is an act someone does to themselves. Ironically, nothing can be further from the truth. I believe life has called upon me to write a book about this subject. Whether that voice I hear pushing me towards this is just my subconscious calling out to me. Or maybe it is just the ones I once knew calling out to me from the grave regretting what they did. Somehow, I feel that I need to write this book. If not for me, but for the countless many out there of whom only they can understand. The horrible truth is, if you are not in this club, you simply cannot understand. It is not something you can learn, but something you can only experience. It is something I would not wish on my worst enemy. I want to explain what it has been like for me. I want to tell you about my brother Keith and my friend Anthony along the way. I need to get this off my chest.