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Hilarious real-life parenting dilemmas complete with top-rated answers that reveal the legendary humour and heart-warming wisdom of Mumsnet users.

* When should I go public? * Am I going to be a good mother? * Is it OK to have a glass of wine maybe two? * Am I the only one with ankles the size of cabbages? * When am I going to start blooming? * How do I stop complete strangers patting my bump?