Bøger af Gary Rowley

Mankind's insatiable rape of the planet reaches tipping point, spawning a global disturbance of Biblical proportions, the aim of which quickly becomes apparent: the extermination of the human race as a species. Under intense scrutiny by mysterious orange balls of light, a devastating outbreak of volcanic activity is quickly dwarfed by an epidemic of mass animal kingdom attacks, a vicious, merciless campaign, brutally executed on land, at sea and in the air. London, Paris and Rome are ruthlessly laid to waste, and the US Eastern Seaboard is crippled by a devastating tsunami. With the world teetering on the brink, troubleshooting journalist, Henry Gilbert, becomes immersed in a desperate fight to stay alive. Accompanied by enigmatic doctor, Kate Munro, he finds himself thrust into the heart of government, battling his emotions, while seeking to unravel the truth behind deteriorating events and the explosion of unexplained aerial phenomenon. Global Kingdom is high-octane, thrilling and addictive: a novel that teases and torments. Just when you think things can't get any worse, prepare to be shocked once more...

You've seen the rest, now meet the best: The Daddy, the ultimate in bad Dad joke books!Packed with 100s of terrible gags and truly awful puns, The Daddy comes with its own dedication page, enabling you to pen an extra special message for that extra special person in your life - your Dad!Go on, I dare you: treat the old man to a copy, then skedaddle to a dark room somewhere while he works his magic, teasing and tormenting as only a Dad can. As it says on the guarantee, he'll love it - you'll hate it! No wonder with jokes like these: I've started work as a waiter. Granted, the money's not fantastic; but at least I can put food on the table...My fear of horse chestnut trees. After years of therapy, I've finally managed to conker it.I took my PC back to the shop when it wouldn't stop swearing at me. I said, I think it might be the curser...So I said, doctor, doctor, every time I go for a number two, it comes out looking like chips. He said, have you tried pulling that string vest up a bit?I asked this bloke what his American Pit Bull puppies were going for. He said, anything they can get their teeth into...Delivery driver walks into the medical centre and slams a dozen pizzas on the counter. He says, before anyone asks, it's just what the doctor ordered.This bloke emptied a packet of grated cheese over my head. I said, that was mature, wasn't it...?I rang the gaffer. I said, I'm just arriving on the south coast now, boss. He said, do you realise it's five in the morning? And what are you doing on the south coast? I said, just what you said, boss: making sure I was in Brighton early.I said, I can't believe how much weight I've put on. I might have one of those over active, erm, erm...She said, thyroid gland? I said, no, knife and fork!My pet mouse, Elvis...he was caught in a trap.

All aboard, all aboard!Get your tickets, if you dare, for a hysterical voyage of mirth and merriment aboard the Titanic Book of One Liners, awash with a calamitous cargo of hundreds of rib-tickling original jokes and puns, sprinkled with the odd smattering of age-old classics.Guaranteed to go down a treat, you'll discover oceans of good, clean fun, ammunition aplenty to deliver an endless barrage of hilarious broadsides upon unsuspecting family and friends. Victims will be at sea, steaming for port, desperately trying to fathom the source of the onslaught, blissfully unaware it's merely the calm before the storm. And all you'll need to do to continue the punishment is sit back, relax, and slowly turn the page... Thar she blows, shipmates; how can you possibly go wrong with jokes like these...I went to see a comedian called Humpty Dumpty. Honestly, he was so off the wall.I went to bed Sunday night and woke next morning to find myself surrounded by dozens of cartoon bears, singing The Bare Necessities. It was a bad case of Monday morning Baloo's.Egg and a sausage in a frying pan. Egg says: Warm in here, innit? Sausage says: I didn't know eggs could talk!I phoned the police after a lorry shed its load of cutlery outside our house. Asked where exactly, I said, turn left at the fork in the road... This bloke tried to sell me a mountain for £10,000. I told him it was a bit steep.I went to the surgery, complaining of double vision. Doctor Hourihane and Doctor Hourihane couldn't have been more understanding.I went to the chemist and that woman was in again, the one who used to work at McDonalds. I said, a box of laxatives, please. She said, to go? I said, what do you think...?So I said, who had a number one hit with Tiger Feet? Mud! came the reply. I said, that's right, that's right, that's right, that's right...I keep thinking I'm an ostrich. I know I'm going to have to face up to my problem sooner or later. I can't keep burying my head in the sand.Muhammad Ali figurine for sale. £50 ono. Not boxed.

Back by popular demand: another rib-tickling collection of 1001 original jokes and one-liners - only this time even worse! Like its hugely entertaining big sister, this addictive little gem will have you in stitches from the word go. Plumbed from the innermost depths and far-out corridors of an extremely vivid imagination, there isn't a swear word in sight, appealing to kids and grandmas, whilst still supplying ample ammunition to bombard your mates into submission. Just like the first time, all you need to do to become immersed in this barrage of off-the-wall buffoonery is find a quiet spot somewhere then slowly turn the page, revealing ream upon ream of good, clean fun jokes like these: ET's been caught shoplifting. I always said he was light fingered.Animal rights activists are currently camped outside United's training ground after it was announced Wayne Rooney had injured a calf.I staggered out of the pub and straight into a fracas with a rag and bone man. I was charged with junk and disorderly.The wife asked if I fancied a trip to the Arctic Circle. I said, sounds cool.I took my car back to the garage. I said, every time it rains, I get this awful hissing noise. The mechanic said, I wouldn't worry too much. It's probably just the windscreen vipers.Ghosts: they need to get a life.I bought an imitation American motorcycle. It was a Hardly Davidson.My job at the glue factory, I've told them to stick it.I went in HMV. I said, what do you think to the Pet Shop Boys? The assistant said, they've a good selection of dog biscuits but the prices are a bit steep.Tardis for sale. No time wasters.I took my new DAB radio back to the shop. I said, the volume button is stuck on low and I don't know what to do. He said, try playing it by ear.The cat o' nine tails I inherited: I've flogged it.