Bøger af Craig Rozniecki

What do you get when you combine modern-day conservatism with the critically-acclaimed show, Portlandia? Trumplandia - author Craig Rozniecki's first and hopefully last book of the series and 18th overall.James Bob, or Big Jim to some, hailed from Hicktown, West Virginia, where he owned a restaurant which went by the name TBR, or The Best Roadkill. Big Jim was a happily married man of 10 days. He met his wife, Amanda Goldteeth, during a raccoon-eating contest at a Family Values Festival and the two hit it off like Shaquille O'Neal and a basketball rim made of Icy Hot. To the marriage, Big Jim brought with him a son - Lil Jim - he traded a four-wheeler for several years ago, and a daughter - Jima - he claims a stork dropped off to him with a note which read, "Three words: Whitesnake concert." Amanda Goldteeth-Bob could never have children of her own, so she happily accepted the responsibility of home-schooling Lil Jim and Jima, who were in 11th and 9th grade, respectively. Speaking of respective, James Bob claimed to be a loyal husband and father, a staunch Republican, and a man of God.Even though facts, science, and common sense tend to run contrary to the Bobs' beliefs and decision-making, that doesn't stop them from staying the course and providing laughter for all onlookers. So come join the fun in Rozniecki's best book to date - Trumplandia, where he puts laughter first!

Whether it was money, gifts, house work, or his grades at school, Ronald Chump had everything handed to him through his first 14 years in life. From getting $1,000 for asking the house maid to clean his room to being promised a Lexus on his 16th birthday to receiving straight "A's" due to his father guaranteeing the school principal a big return on his investment in Chump University, Ronald had been handed everything to this point in life, but was still left unsatisfied, and now is running for school president.

After mastering the arts of 3rd-wheeling, CD-burning, and Boggle, author and podcast host-Craig Rozniecki-naturally decided to try his hand at songwriting.In "Laugh to the Music" - Rozniecki's 19th book, he parodies: Trump cultists, Bernie Sanders' mittens, men who attempt to compensate for small penises, the Twitter-mob, and so much more!Read the lyrics to all 50 of Rozniecki's one-of-a-kind parodies, along with his snarky analysis of where the ideas for them originated, as well as links to each and every song. Not only is it music to the eyes, it's music to the ears, or something!

In this book, Rozniecki tackles every random topic a Mensa member could think up, and if it were possible, even more. In The Kind-Hearted Smartass: Volume 3: Maybe The Best of the Trilogy, you'll learn all about: how a Tinder CEO didn't know the definition of ""sodomy;"" why the TGI Fridays mistletoe drones idea was worse than slippers in sandals; what the next ""hangry"" might be; and how online IQ tests read to a snarky mind.Not only that, Rozniecki: provides the top ten times when it's best to not take a selfie; explains how Congress is like a marriage; points out the fact that the Flonase tagline is stupid; and crushes Americans' hopes that Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg will give them all of his money, cars, homes, and beauty tips.

The always witty satirist Craig Rozniecki is at it again with his seventh installment of the "LOL at the GOP" series. In it, he writes about: Rick Perry's forgetful wisdom; Sarah Palin's literal family feud; Señor Jeb Bush; why it's inconceivable for many conservatives to label themselves as Constitutional; how Donald Trump would write Hallmark cards; a state senator who thinks butts and vaginas are the same thing; and so much more! So sit back, relax, and let laughter guide you in "LOL at the GOP - Volume 7: Obstruction of Conscience."

What do you get when you cross an elderly overgrown Oompa Loompa with a child on steroids? The 2016 Republican presidential nominee, Donald Trump. Trump has taken his party and the country by storm as he smooth-talked his way past sixteen other candidates in the GOP primary by calling Mexicans rapists, mocking disabled reporters, and basically telling his next-door neighbors they're going to pay for a fence he wants to place around his own backyard. In this book, you'll read all about: Which state believes dentists provide abortions in addition to cleanings; whether or not Ben Carson thinks the Middle East includes the states of North Carolina and Virginia; why Ted Cruz appears to understand basketball about as well as sloths understand speed walking; as well as anything and everything that is Donald J. Trump. Yes, orange might be the new black in the world of Netflix, but orange has become the new crazy in the world of politics.

A Tea Party may not sound crazy at first, but once the likes of Ted Cruz, Louie Gohmert, and Steve King show up at the door, it will make any frat party look tame in comparison. This level of craziness is on full display in Craig Rozniecki's twelfth book, LOL at the GOP - Volume 5: You Can't Spell "Forgot To Take Their Crazy Pills" Without "Tea Party." In this book, read all about: One Tea Partier's claim that abortion leads to global warming, Donald Trump's attempt to sue Bill Maher over an orangutan joke, Representative Steve Stockman's endorsement from a dead person, and so much more! Not only that, but this book answers all the tough questions, such as: Does President Obama hate white people, even though he's part white himself?; Did Gandhi carry guns with him on peaceful marches?: Do cookies make up for the stripping of women's rights?; and more!

What do you get when a group of people worships a non-violent individual and guns in the same breath while believing businesses and unborn beings should have more rights than women, minorities, and homosexuals? According to author Craig Rozniecki and his eleventh book, it's the modern-day Republican Party. In LOL at the GOP - Volume 4: Guns, Jesus, Corporations, and Fetuses, Rozniecki answers the following questions: Is it wise to run a marathon with a gun?; can stroking horses "cure" people of homosexuality?; do liberals talk about abortion while in the shower?; and many others. Not only that, but in this book, Rozniecki plays the undeclared Fox News game "The Three Degrees of Benghazi," has some fun with the GOP's Obamacare-paranoia, and even goes so far as to refute Louisiana Republicans' belief that President Obama was more to blame for the poor Hurricane Katrina response than former President George W. Bush. So, sit back, relax, and for the fourth time, get ready to LOL at the GOP!

Want something cheap which will make you laugh like you're on nitrous oxide, feel as high as a kite shaped like a marijuana plant, and drunk, while still being completely legal? Then grab yourself a bottle of whiskey and read this book, The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck - Volume 2: The Wisecracks Continue. In this book, Craig Rozniecki - author of The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck and the LOL at the GOP series - goes in-depth with more topics than an obsessive mathematician would care to count, which include: What passing bills would be like if Congress was drunk, where narcissists can go for dating (besides a mirror), why saying "just sayin'" is kind of annoying, how there can be such a thing as a germaphobic nymphomaniac, and more! So, go on, grab that bottle of whiskey, sit back, and laugh harder than a dentist nicknamed "Dr. Chuckles," while reading Rozniecki's tenth book, The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck - Volume 2: The Wisecracks Continue.